Just Some Thoughts

cars passing,

people walking,

buses arriving,

songs playing,

memories flashing.

The scene which engraved such deep memory within my mind.

There i was, sitting alone at the bus stop near your house,

thinking about stuffs that never had came across my mind.

It was after a long heart-to-heart talk, where both you and i voiced out our opinions.

Your friends said that you werent ready to step into relationship, because of how you like to do things your way, the way which you consider it a norm, which inversly affected me.

The fact of how you werent ready, didnt bother me much.

The question in my mind was, "Are you willing to be ready? Are you?"

Infering from your reactions, i could only selfishly conclude that you're not. No, you arent.

I always knew you were a special girl from the start, a girl whom likes freedom and dislikes restrictions, a girl whom is extremely positive and can never be negative, a girl whom dont like me to change for her and of cause, dont like to change herself because of me.

You mentioned we had different thinking mentalities, i being normal, you being abnormal.

Things you thought were always right, were actually on the contrasting side.

I said I thought those things were right from the beginning too,

but time left me thinking, is that really true?

Time is not only the thing that proved our thinkings wrong,

reactions triggered from your actions made me think twice.

Although it isnt shown on your face, I could read your mind.

You're thinking something that is really negative to me.

Fear, fear of losing striked my heart.

That over-suppressing feeling, which I never liked, took over my thinkings.

I told myself, if that's really your decision, i would have nothing to argue about.

I pleaded with you to not to let negative thoughts conquer your mind,

you reassured me with a smile that I could differentiate.

I've always hidden a naive thinking deep in my mind,

I'm in hope maybe one day you might change your thinkings because of me.

But coming back to reality, this selfish thinking will never come true.

Or maybe is it I dont have that much power to do that?

I have no idea.

I noticed your attitude and tone change as compared to the start,

you said you didnt, but i know it all too well.

You even hid things from me,

I was devastated.

I totally lost my cool for the first time.

You made me realised I could actually experience ANGER when im with you.

Just now, I found out even more things that i expected to know on the days of incident,

but in fact, you are only telling me now.

Lastly,

I remember one very important question you asked me.

"Are you tired?"

I ought to be, but everytime i see that broad smile of yours,

tired seems to be a word out of my dictionary.

I know like how I knew from the start,

I love you,

I still love you.